She Comes First by Ian Kerner: A Review


If you have difficulty achieving orgasm, you might have come across Ian Kerner’s book “She Comes First”. This book’s goal is to improve your sex life by increasing the frequency of the woman’s orgasm through oral sex. “She Comes First” is written from the perspective of a man in a heterosexual relationship. It is a step-by-step guide of how to perform cunnilingus, or oral sex, on a partner with a vulva. While much of the material would apply to the giver, no matter their gender identity, it does use heterosexual terminology so it may not be an appropriate book for everyone. I am going to use the author’s language and verbiage moving forward for consistency with the book.



The book starts out by giving background information on why oral sex is important for female orgasm. He even goes so far as to say that oral sex should not be foreplay but “coreplay” due to the vital importance in women achieving orgasm. If you don’t currently give or receive oral this is great information to introduce you to the idea.


Kerner then goes on to give a detailed anatomy lesson so that you can understand directions given later in the book. Do not skip this chapter. I guarantee you don’t know all of the information and it is useful to understand the parts of the vulva and vagina in order to better understand your own body and to better please your partner.


The rest of the book details the instructions of oral sex. You’ll have to read the book yourself to get those juicy details. The author does give alternative options and problem solving tips which are helpful to improve your comfort as the giver.


After my husband and I read this book, we found the instructions and tips to be very helpful and easy to follow. While I wouldn’t recommend this book for everyone based on its target audience of heterosexual, cisgender couples, I do think this book can be helpful for some. If you are a woman who enjoys receiving oral sex, but are not able to experience orgasm yourself this book could be a game changer for you.


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